Apologoholic

Hi, My name is Michelle and I am an apologoholic. I think I have been this way since I was 6 or 7 years old. I drop a pen while handing it to someone, "oops, sorry." The dinner is late (always), "Oh, I am sorry." I think I inconvenienced someone, of course I apologize. I bump someone, the dog, or even the wall, again, "I am sorry!". It is not that I don't mean my apology, but they are so automatic that I say it without checking if what I bumped into is a sentient being. I say it without thinking, "do I really need to apologize?" I don't think my apology threshold is a problem. I have never had a review that says, "Michelle apologizes too much", or my husband say, "you know your apologies annoy me". The problems arise when I hold my apologizing standards to others. Case in point, we went away last weekend. I left Thursday in a mad dash. Before leaving I finished grading, laundry, packing, did some volunteer work, took the car in for an oil change, cleaned the cat box, and delivered the dog to my mom. So, I didn't leave the house as clean as we like it before a weekend out. However, I had the dishes and clothes put away for the most part. Mark left the following day. When we came home Sunday the kitchen was trashed. Dirty dishes and pans covered the counters. A bowl next to the couch with what appeared to be dried on salsa. The lunch container from Mark's THURSDAY lunch was still sealed on the counter (yum...). Needles to say, I was none to happy. To me this is an ideal spot for an apology. Sorry dear, I was too _________ (busy, tired,drunk). But nothing, nor was there any "look" of guilt. While I found this really irritating, I also have to admit I admire and envy his ability to be non apologetic for something that he obviously does not feel apologetic about. It is not like he never apologizes, but he has an obviously different threshold than I do.

I guess this is one of the personality differences that arise in a marriage that there really is nothing to be done about. I will go on being hyper-apologetic, he will go on being hypo-apologetic (in my opinion). We all do things that drive each other crazy and like leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night, this one will be more problematic for me.