Howler

We are catching up on all the old Harry Potter movies before going and seeing the most recent. In one episode, Harry has to cast a spell in front of his human cousin to save both of their lives. Spells in front of humans is strictly prohibited, and he receives a "howler" in the mail. For those non Harry Potter fans, that is a letter, which usually comes in a red envelope and it screams at you for what ever misdeed you have committed.

Well about three weeks ago I was driving down Woodstock and I was flashed by a traffic camera, the kind they move about. I looked down and was going about 38. Turns out the speed limit in that area is 35, so I will be surprised to get a ticket for going less than 5 over the limit, but who knows. Anyhow, I have heard from reliable sources that the tickets take about a month to get to you, so I am thinking any day now. I keep having this vision of the ticket arriving in a red envelope and screaming at me before requiring me to fork over 150 bucks or so.

Chores

There is an article in this week Time magazine about how the time spent on paid and unpaid work has equalized between men and women in the house. In other words, most men are stepping up. I put a link to a summary below, Time only allows subscribers to read, but I have the full article if you are interested.

In our house this article is correct. During the summer, between yard work, household projects, and tending the garden, I am certain Mark puts in substantially more hours that I do. So why do I still feel irritated about the chore load at times?

I spent this week thinking about this and I think I got down to the crux of the matter. The end results are visible and dramatic. The new cabinets in the kitchen, the landscaping, even the garden have plenty of opportunities of feedback "Wow, you have done such a great job" "Amazing". My primary chores are the mundane, ferrying Jason back and forth, laundry, cleaning, and shopping. You just don't get much feedback when the laundry is clean, and no one ever runs out of toilet papers.

I have started doing more scratch cooking, and maybe the reason I am enjoying it is because I get to be a little creative, and get some feedback. Now if I can just make a spaghetti sauce or re-fried beans that Jason will prefer over Trader Joe's versions.

Brief synopsis of Time article
http://www.scpr.org/programs/patt-morrison/2011/07/26/20038/chore-wars-myth-of-the-slacker-dad-debunked

Sick

Well, I know I am sick when I don't want to drink wine for three days straight. I woke up July 4th at 4 a.m. with a horrible sore throat and I will spare you all from the gory details but it was a nasty sinus thing. Three days where swallowing anything was pure torture, add to that a bout of nausea, and plugged ears. I am usually the one in the house that doesn't get sick, or if I catch the crud I get the mildest case. Not this time. Luckily, Mark was very sympathetic, did the entire drive home from Montana (631 miles) while I dozed in and out of conscience. I am feeling human again, and it's the 8th, still not myself, but not miserable.

Makes me appreciate my general health and perhaps next time I will be a little easier on Mark when he gets a man cold.

Adventure!

It is funny how we like to envision ourselves. However, sometimes my vision and reality crash together and it's ugly. When Mark and I met we did some hiking and I even ventured out on a few backpacking treks. Having a baby put adventure on the back burner for quite awhile, but I still saw myself as the person who is always ready to conquer the wilderness. I am not put off by a little dirt in my food, no makeup, and not washing my hair for several days. Now that Jason is getting older, we are getting out more, we have been trying to get out for at least a few hikes each month, hiking further and on more difficult terrain. Last weekend we tried a new spot, it was supposed to be a 6 mile moderate hike. It started easy enough, and then got pretty technical. It was obvious the trail had not been maintained much, but I got into the spirit of the adventure. We crossed creeks, balancing on rocks and logs, we carefully waked on washed out trails bordering steep ravines, we went over and under fallen logs, stopped a few times to try and locate the trail after it suddenly disappeared. All was good until the walk through the open grass. I felt a little something and lifted my shirt, what I first thought was piece of plant stuck to my stomach , was latched on tightly when I tried to remove it. This is where my vision and reality crashed, it was a tick. Then I pulled another off my back. I went from good spirited to just down right pissed off that some creature would dare to latch on to me, not to mention being totally grossed out. So not quite the adventure woman, keep away those ticks, mosquito, and leeches, please.

Glasses

Last week I went and picked out a pair of prescription glasses. The need is due to age, pure and simple, no way of getting around it. The eye doctor said I made it longer than most people, thanks I guess. By the way, my eye doctor is adorable and looks like she is 15. Danielle saw her picture and agreed, so I am not exaggerating. I remember when doctors were always older than me. I digress, anyhow she said my need is very small and I could actually get away with the reading glasses you buy at the drugstore. I need 1.25 to be specific. I tried that, one they are all ugly, two I get nauseated when I am lesson planning, going from my computer, to writing, and such. So, I drug Danielle with me so I didn't make any fashion mistakes and found an adorable pair by Juicy Couture. The woman who helped me said if I was using a computer I should get them glare resistant, okay. They are also progressive, (aka expensive bifocals). that is supposed to help with nausea. Then the bill, 279 out of pocket, covering the 700 + glasses, that are close to ones I could by at Walgreen's for less than 10. Oh vanity! But they are cute!

LOL

I think of myself as kind of a hater of the LOL , it is overused and misused. An example taken from FaceBook "just watched The Experiment..what a psychological disturbing movie lol" Why did the writer add the laugh out loud? I have not seen the movie but I found this "Rated R for strong disturbing violence including a rape, language, some sexual content and nudity." LOL, really? I also saw another FB thread recently and I swear there had to at least 8 LOLs distributed through the comments, and really nothing seemed funny.

Today my husband sent me a text, and it actually made me laugh out loud, possibly qualified as laughing my ass off, LMAO. It is such a wonderful feeling to have a laugh escape uncontrollably, to catch the giggles and not be able to stop. So here is to laughing out loud and meaning it!

Friends

Wednesday while teaching my Upper Beginning Reading and Writing class one of my students, a young woman from Russia, asked me about the word "friend". She said that friend has a different meaning in Russian, it means someone you are close to and know what is going on in their life. I said, that it was the same in English. Then she told me an anecdote of an American neighbor that had introduced her to another friend. A few weeks later my student asked her neighbor how the friend was doing. The neighbor replied, "I don't know, we really don't know each other well." Hmmm, I replied. Maybe she was right, as I thought of my FaceBook "friends" many (most) are really not people I would consider friends. She said in Russia they use the word acquaintance. I said, yes, we have that word too.

I know language is ever evolving unless it is a dying language. I wonder if social media will change the definition of "friend", replacing acquaintance (or someone I met once on a beach when I was drunk. )Will we develop new words for different levels of friends, or perhaps just add adjectives, best, true, quasi? Or perhaps we could define friends by what we know about them. Categories such as people whose birthday I know, whose birthday month I know, I (think)know which season they were born in, and I have no fucking idea, nor do I care.

Cats

If asked on one of those silly quizzes "cat or dog" I always answer dog. I relate more to dog people. But, I do like cats. I have two cats. People that say they don't have personalities don't know cats. I don't even consider most cats aloof. They are more independent creatures for sure. Though I don't think that is always a bad thing, especially when it comes to vacations and weekends away. Both of our cats seem happy to see us when we come home. I do find it interesting that both come to kitty kitty and neither come to their name. For Wally I guessed it was because he has probably had three or four names, I have no excuse for Sparky.

People also say cats are useless. That point I will definitely argue. The reason Wally found his way to our home was because we were being overrun by mice. One week of Wally and no more mice! Both cats have their own special house jobs. Sparky is a bag and water inspector. No bag is left uninspected and occasionally tested for napability. He is the only cat I ever met that loves to play in water. Turn on a faucet, shower, or flush the toilet and here comes Sparky to check things out, and maybe splash around a bit. While it is just amusing now, if we ever spring a leak in the plumbing, he could prove to be a useful cat.

Besides job of king mouser Wally has found another important job in the house, "blanket anchor" He sleeps next to me almost every night and his 18 -19 pounds is enough to anchor my side of the covers and prevent Mark from stealing all my covers.

Obligations

Today I put together Kris' birthday package. A card, 100 dollars and her car registration papers. She still has not changed her address with DMV . She had let her insurance lapse, I hope they have got some since then. I know they have bought some expensive video gaming equipment and she is getting an iPhone for her birthday (all info thanks to FB) . So, I guess they must be doing okay, or they have their priorities totally fucked up.

That is not really what this is about, it is more our obligations to her and hers to us. Are there any remaining? She came up in December because of a fight with Noah. She was here almost the entire time Mark and I were in Mexico. She made up with him ( After 30 dollars worth of phone calls on our home line)and was going to leave about 12 hours before we returned. My mother-in-law told her she had to stay, at least to say hi. She did and left the next day pretty early. She didn't feel obligated to come up for my step-dads funeral, she didn't even send my mother a note or email until I harassed her. While my step dad was not always the most charming person, he actually got her started on golf and was very supportive of her progress. In the past two years, she sent Mark and I texts on our birthdays, as well as Mother's Day and Father's Day. We will see this year. Mark has definitely been more emotionally hurt by her seemingly lack of interest in us. The last three times we went to see her in Coos Bay she was less than a gracious hostess. That is actually a huge understatement as she would barely respond, she changed plans (without telling us), and was consistently late (hours) without letting us know what is going on. She has lied a lot to us. She has went against her word, I even feel she has used us on occasion. I think Mark is done and I can't say I blame him. She has acted even more coldly to him over the last few years for no apparent reason. Cold might be the wrong word, it is disinterested, I guess. It is all hard to watch, we have been there for her. Noah has not for several pivotal occasions such as the birth of their child. Yet she has chosen her life with him. I am not sure if she wants us in her life any longer? She doesn't act like it. So do I keep sending her birthday cards even if I don't hear from her? Do I wait for the day I get an "Not at this address" returned letter? I do know that I don't want to be the one to do the final cut of our relationship. I will send her and Aiden cards, I will keep inviting her up for Christmas and other big events until she either rejoins our family or leaves it forever. I will keep to my obligations of how I think family should be treated, I will make her be the one to make the choice not to know us anymore.

Editing

I have not posted much since coming back to this blogging thing. Funny thing is I have written many more posts that just have not made it live. I write, wait, go back and review, delete, write and wait some more. Many posts never see the light of day. I look back at them and they just don't seem to say what I wanted or it seems the moment or the relevancy has passed. Hmmm. Sometimes, I think I think too much.

Crash

A week ago Wednesday , I was in a car crash on the way from Portland State Univ to Canby High School. Wednesdays are a painfully busy day for me, Oregon City to Portland, to Canby and then home. I eat on the go, and have just enough time between classes to make it from one site to another. Wednesday's weather was crappy. I was supposed to carpool as a passenger, but she was very late due to the heavy traffic, so I went on. I didn't make it very far. I was hit hard from behind by an uninsured motorist. The damage didn't look too bad at first. After all the "at the scene" crap was taken care of I went to work and thought of what if all the way to work. What if I had waited for the car pool, what if I left earlier, later, what if I had not been in the fast lane. The next morning I popped my trunk and saw the extent of the damage which led right to the passenger seat where Jason usually sits. My what ifs changed. By Friday I learned that the car had been in a bad crash before I owned it and the front safety was missing. "Boy you were lucky not to hit hard head on" said the body shop guy. More what ifs. I am not really sure of the point of this post other than small turn of events can bring big consequences. That and thinking of a lot of what ifs is can be hard on the soul.

Curd

You know how there are words you just don't like. Curd is one of those words for me. I guess it makes me think of curdled, which makes me think of sour milk. I just think it is an ugly word.

I was out of town this weekend and had a TV in my room. This is notable for me for two reasons, one I don't have a TV in my room at home, and two we don't have cable or live TV. Anyhow, I was watching TV in bed and ended up watching a show on the Food Network called Chopped. It is a competition between four chefs to come up with a portion of a meal in 30 minutes or less using basket of "mystery" items that each must be used. One chef is cut after the appetizer, and another after the main dish. Then the final two go at it for dessert, and the winner gets $ 10,000. The mystery ingredients were odd combinations and I would have found it impossible to come up with something edible. For example, dinner was quail, chocolate covered raisins, escarole, and smoked paprika. I have to admit I was mesmerized by the show. Anyhow, the winning chef made a dessert that contained papaya curd. The judges kept saying, wow the curd is amazing. How can anything named curd be amazing? So, when I returned home I decided to look up what goes into a curd. As it turns out, it is a short list of lovely ingredients. I actually had a ton of lemons hanging in my fridge, so I decided to make some lemon curd. YUMMY! What a spoonful of delicious sunshine. I just ate it like a pudding with a small dollop of fresh whipped cream, but imagine it would be delightful with over a sugar cookie crumble or such.

I am now curd lover, but I still think it is an ugly word, especially for something so delightful.

Pain

I know it can be useful. As a person who tends to burn myself a lot while cooking, the pull away reflex is quite useful. I think pain is impossible to compare from person to person. Two people have headaches, whose is worse? My husband suffers from chronic pain, and it is impossible for me to understand how he feels. I have tried by observation. He gets a head cold and is kind of whiny, so I think perhaps he has a low pain tolerance. On the other hand, I have sat with him after recovering through multiple surgeries, and then watched him through the rehabilitation process, and would say he has a very high pain tolerance. On the occasion I have woke up with one of those awful kinks in my neck I think about him. The pain is an annoyance for a day or two, and I know it affects my mood. I wonder if that is how he feels every day all day.
Some mornings we wake and everything is fine and then somewhere during the day the pain sets in, and he will become quiet and brooding. Some days the dark mood is morning from night, and some days everything is okay. The bad days are becoming more frequent. No matter how many times we go through this I still jump to the conclusion that his dark mood is caused by me or something I have done. Then he says, no it is the pain. We are looking at options now on how to deal with the chronic pain. Time magazine says we are coming into a renaissance period of pain management. Oh, I hope so! If something doesn't help him, we both know it will eventually take a toll on our relationship and marriage. The chronic pain is like a dreary cloud cover over us, it is oppressive. Some days I just feel like running away from the dark and towards the sun. Which creates and emotional pain for me for even entertaining such thoughts.

Apologoholic

Hi, My name is Michelle and I am an apologoholic. I think I have been this way since I was 6 or 7 years old. I drop a pen while handing it to someone, "oops, sorry." The dinner is late (always), "Oh, I am sorry." I think I inconvenienced someone, of course I apologize. I bump someone, the dog, or even the wall, again, "I am sorry!". It is not that I don't mean my apology, but they are so automatic that I say it without checking if what I bumped into is a sentient being. I say it without thinking, "do I really need to apologize?" I don't think my apology threshold is a problem. I have never had a review that says, "Michelle apologizes too much", or my husband say, "you know your apologies annoy me". The problems arise when I hold my apologizing standards to others. Case in point, we went away last weekend. I left Thursday in a mad dash. Before leaving I finished grading, laundry, packing, did some volunteer work, took the car in for an oil change, cleaned the cat box, and delivered the dog to my mom. So, I didn't leave the house as clean as we like it before a weekend out. However, I had the dishes and clothes put away for the most part. Mark left the following day. When we came home Sunday the kitchen was trashed. Dirty dishes and pans covered the counters. A bowl next to the couch with what appeared to be dried on salsa. The lunch container from Mark's THURSDAY lunch was still sealed on the counter (yum...). Needles to say, I was none to happy. To me this is an ideal spot for an apology. Sorry dear, I was too _________ (busy, tired,drunk). But nothing, nor was there any "look" of guilt. While I found this really irritating, I also have to admit I admire and envy his ability to be non apologetic for something that he obviously does not feel apologetic about. It is not like he never apologizes, but he has an obviously different threshold than I do.

I guess this is one of the personality differences that arise in a marriage that there really is nothing to be done about. I will go on being hyper-apologetic, he will go on being hypo-apologetic (in my opinion). We all do things that drive each other crazy and like leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night, this one will be more problematic for me.

Patience

The dictionary definition: the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

I think I am a patient person, for the most part. My husband agrees, for the most part. My students' report I am patient in my evaluations. However, last night I did not feel patient, I didn't want to be patient. I wanted to yell, scream, slam things. I didn't, but I did act outwardly grumpy. I didn't even try to hide it. So this morning I thought of different times my patience is called upon.
- my children in general
- my spouse
- my students as they learn at their own pace
- my colleagues
- my animals
- waiting in lines
- driving
- losing weight
- healing an injury

What if today and on forward I decided not to exercise patience in a way that I have defined myself to myself and others. The new Michelle would let everyone know how she feels when something is not going her way. Well this morning I contemplated this change in my persona. If I were to let that happen, my life would probably unravel very quickly. My relationships with my children, my marriage, my job, my friends and more casual relationships would likely change too. In yoga this morning we talked about the fact that so many horrible things are happening in the world, and how we have little control over the world (our personal world let alone the global world) with the exception of ourselves. And this leads me to my personal definition of patience. Patience is me not losing control of myself over things I cannot control .

Try try again

I have tried blogging several times and have frankly felt that I sucked at it. Inadvertently, I recently discovered what I think was the problem (IMHO). The blogs I find interesting are some insight by the author, some small snippet of their lives that is meaningful. The blogs I don't like are the diary type. I kept attempting to write the story of my life, or follow an event such getting back into running. Let's face it those topics are kind of boring. I am sure they have their place, like in a diary. So all this time, I have been annoying myself with my own blogs. I am trying this blogging thing one more time. My goal is to I keep each post to only one topic and hopefully keep from annoying myself, too.